Relaxing Moments in Your Day

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A simple way to increase the number of daily relaxing moments by becoming more present

I wonder if during this stressful time, someone you love has said to you, “Just relax!” My guess is that their words did not actually work to reduce your anxiety. These words, from even our dearest friends and loved ones, rarely trigger us into a state of relaxation. 

Why is that true? For one reason, these words are often spoken to us as a command, which automatically alerts our bodies to be alarmed. In addition, it is more effective for us to focus on our body than on trying to reduce our anxious thoughts. 

Our loved one would help us more by recommending that we work to become more present. Yes, this is work – primarily because we are not naturally able to become more present without training ourselves to do so. While this kind of training takes time, the benefit from becoming more present can be felt immediately. Here are some simple exercises to begin using today in order to increase your daily relaxing moments. 

Breathing to become more present:

(1) Sit or lie down comfortably. Close or lower your eyes. Notice your exhale. Do not try to breathe differently, just notice your exhale. 

(2) Try to blow all of the air from your lungs through your mouth as if you are blowing up a balloon. Your inhale will naturally lengthen as you focus on exhaling deeply.

(3) After several breaths, notice your body. What do you notice? Are there any areas of your body that are carrying tension? 

(4) Continue to breathe in and out while focusing your attention to those areas of your body. Close your eyes and imagine your inhale carrying a soothing, calming breath to that area of your body.

Grounding is another exercise that helps us return to the present. When we are triggered by a memory, overwhelming feelings, or intense anxiety, we become focused on the past or future rather than being aware of what is happening in the present moment. Grounding helps us to return to the present and connect with persons around us.

Grounding yourself to become more present: (see-hear-feel-smell-good)

  • Sit or lie down comfortably. Keep your eyes open. Notice what your senses are able to take in.

  • Name 5 things you can see in the room or space around you (“I see a book,” “I see the leaves in the trees”).

  • Name 4 things you can hear right now (“I hear an air conditioner,” “I hear birds chirping”).

  • Name 3 things you can feel (“I feel the chair on my back,” “I feel the tension in my shoulders”).

  • Name 2 things you can smell right now (or 2 things that you normally enjoy smelling).

  • Name 1 good thing about yourself.

Special Note for Parents: When your kids come to you in a state of distress or worry, help them notice their breathing. Breathe with them using the exercise above. Breathing with your kids is more regulating than if you are telling them to breathe on their own. This exercise is especially helpful at bedtime.

If your kid’s anxiety is super high, use the Grounding Exercise to help them come back into the present. After grounding, ask them to tell you what was so stressful for them – in most cases, they will be more calm as they tell you. Once they are grounded, your words of wisdom will make more sense to them.